The Alarm

by Bill


Disclaimer: All's well that ends well.

So, turns out that recognizing the meaning of different baby cries is not the only audio skill every new parent should have. This morning I woke up before Brandon did. After checking on him and making sure the baby monitor was set properly, I took a quick shower to wake up and give myself time to apply my style. Still a bit groggy after the shower, I turned off the water and grabbed my towel, began drying off quickly.

Then I vaguely thought I heard something. A distant beeping, perhaps. Yes, definitely a beeping sound. Rapid beeping, not unlike a...baby monitor alarm! As I ran from the shower to the baby crib, some twisted part of my brain thought it was important to keep drying off so as to not get the floor too wet. So as I passed the sink, I was whipping the towel around trying to dry myself off, but the air whipping past me as I ran probably was doing a better job of drying. Reaching the crib I dropped the towel on the floor (ah, rational thought, finally!) and leaned forward. Brandon was on his belly as expected, and he had, as usual, wormed his way from the center of the crib to the edge, his pumpkin head wedged against the padding. Curse that Dr. Burke and her poo-pooing of baby belly-sleeping and infant motion detectors--if this proved her right I'd never forgive myself!

I knew I had to act fast to stimulate Brandon's breathing, while also checking for any possible obstructions. In one deft move sure to win me Father of the Year honors, I began whacking my eldest son and (middle) namesake on the back, beating him like a drum, while simultaneously flipping him face up, cradling him with my other hand. I examined his face, body, and limbs for signs of life, trying to remember how to perform infant CPR. Then Brandon made an annoyed face, stretched his left arm up over his head, sleepily kicked with his right leg, and grunted quietly.

It was then I realized three things: Brandon had been fine all along. I had prematurely awoken him. And the sound of the "beeping baby monitor alarm" was in fact my bedside alarm clock telling me to wake the heck up. D'oh! Oh well, on the bright side, I sure wasn't groggy anymore...